With Mother’s Day next Sunday I thought this would be a good week to discuss our elders.
Ask your mom what she would like for Mother’s Day and she will probably tell you; your time. As moms get older they especially want to spend time with you.
So that said, how about spending some time with your mom helping her get her financial stuff in order. This would make a great gift. Often it is mom we are faced with helping for they have outlived dad. According to a report from the CDC (U S Centers for Disease Control) women out live men by an average of 5 years and women lived an average of 80.4 years and men 75.2 years.
Once we reach middle age and 50 is what I consider middle age we begin to calculate how many years we have left and if our parents are alive we begin to worry about them. You begin to worry about taking care of them. So if your parents are elderly, and elderly is not 65 but closer to 80, they will need your help at some time.
The key here is to watch for changes in their behavior, especially the sudden ones. Have you noticed that they are having some difficulties? How do you assess the situation?
· Have they become more forgetful – remember that as we age we all normally forget where we put the car keys
· Is their home in disarray with piles of stuff everywhere - be careful here - was it always in disarray with piles of stuff.
· Is there unopened mail?
· Are the bills being paid on time?
- Are they getting dunning letters from credit card companies?
· Do they know where their important papers are?
· Do they understand the medications they are taking? Drug interactions?
· Are there personality changes?
If you think they need help, approaching them about getting the help may be very awkward. Talk to other relatives first, their siblings, your siblings, to see if they have noticed the same things.
I would suggest a quiet time to begin this process. A family gathering may be too hectic and already filled with anxiety. Ask open-ended questions so they will talk about how they feel. If you ask them if they need help paying their bills, the answer will be no! Instead ask them if they have any concerns about running out of money.
Tell them a story about how forgetful you are becoming or the fact that you forgot to pay the electric bill. Ask them about their concerns, what are they worried about:
· Outliving their money; do they have enough
· Health issues; do they have a power of attorney & health care proxy
· Living alone; do they want to move; closer to the kids, assisted living
· Taking care of themselves
· Nursing home care (this usually gets a response!)
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